Chuck Norris doesn't wear seatbelts.
Seatbelts wear Chuck Norris.
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Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
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Q: What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
A: The Dinosorcerer
Chuck Norris called McDonald's through the television.
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Chuck Norris does not smile. \r\nHe flexes his teeth.
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Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
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A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"