Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
Vote:
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy.
What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant.
What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there.
In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Vote:
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
Vote:
How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
You pull up her sleeve.
What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?
You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
Vote:
A lady goes into a bar with her goose.
Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."