What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs? It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot.
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day. One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.