A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean.
Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef.
They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Chuck Norris is reading all these jokes and thinking to himself: They make me sound like a pussy.
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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy.
What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant.
What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?”
Boy: “Not a bit!”
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there.
In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
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How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
Kryptonite is ancient Latin for Chuck Norris
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How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
You pull up her sleeve.
What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?
You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.
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