There's a blonde. She enters a laughing contest.
There's 10 levels to the contest. She gets to the 9th level and bursts into laughter.
The host asks her "Why did you laugh, you could have won."
The blonde reply's, "I finally got the first joke."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
A man is on his deathbed.
‘Grant me one last wish, my dear,’ he gasps pitifully to his wife.
‘Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.’
‘But I thought you hated Joe,’ says his wife.
‘I do,’ says the man.
Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What do you call two Asians playing basketball?
A: Ping-Pong
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ?
Mum: What crying man ?
William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal.
You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."