A lady goes into a bar with her goose.
Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
There's a blonde. She enters a laughing contest.
There's 10 levels to the contest. She gets to the 9th level and bursts into laughter.
The host asks her "Why did you laugh, you could have won."
The blonde reply's, "I finally got the first joke."
A man is on his deathbed.
‘Grant me one last wish, my dear,’ he gasps pitifully to his wife.
‘Six months after I die I want you to marry Joe.’
‘But I thought you hated Joe,’ says his wife.
‘I do,’ says the man.
Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What do you call two Asians playing basketball?
A: Ping-Pong
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.