Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers.
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion? A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.
How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!