Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.
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A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet?
A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
Q:Why did the cow cross the road?
A:To go to the moo-vies.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
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You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
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Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox!
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.