Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?
A month later he was picking his teeth.
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris.
there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
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There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm...Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"
When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.
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Q: What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them!
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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Chuck Norris can turn on clapper lights by flexing.
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The Twilight Zone enters the Chuck Norris Zone.
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