Chuck Norris doesn't cry. His eyes sweat.
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
Q: What is height of Craziness? A: Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
Q: Who is the saddest grandma in the world? A: Grandma of a vegan.
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
Chuck Norris is the only person that can make you feel a punch to your face in your groin.
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A: A shadow.