Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
Your iphone will keep crashing!
Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex?
A: Gladiator.
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common?
A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
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What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: A widow.
"Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"
She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.