Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
I thought I was real racist because I was liking those black men so black that if you looked at a picture of them, it looks like a negative.
Q: Why can't white people swim? A: Cause they get soggy.