A student called her best friend and said that she had some great news.
“The teacher told me that we had to do a test today in rain or shine,” she told her.
“Why is that great,” her friend asked.
“It’s snowing today!”
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that.
This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office.
My boss, in an outrage, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener.
I leave home and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Vote:
What color socks do bears wear?
(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter.
He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Vote:
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009.
His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Vote:
No matter how hard we try, we never seem to save any money.
Our neighbours are always buying something we can’t afford.
Yo mama so fat even dora cant explore her.
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert.
"It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."