One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone else left the bar and drove off.
Finally, the fellow started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy"
Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
‘Have you tried counting sheep?’ asks the doctor.
‘It doesn’t work,’ replies the boxer.
‘Every time I get to nine, I stand up.’
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Yo momma is so fat she was walking down the street, tripped and broke her leg and gravy rolled out.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy needs a Sherpa to help get him on top.