An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert.
"It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed,
"You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
"Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearing tights!"
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"
Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Never mind, it stinks.
Chuck Norris never felt fear, and he never will.
Vote:
What did one skunk say to another?
And so do you.
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.
What kind of whale flies?
Pilot whales.
How do you lead a horse to water?
With lots of carrots.