Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
Your mom's so fat she sat on Big Lots and it turned into Lowes!!!
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick someone in the back of the face.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!
Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
Why can’t gypsies have babies? Because their husbands have crystal balls.
Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"