What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one.
‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’
‘Well,’ says the other.
‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them.
‘What a babe,’ one says.
‘I’d sure like to screw her!’
‘Really?’ replies the other.
‘Out of what?’
A policeman has just stopped a drunk driver and given him a breathalyser test.
‘I’m sorry, sir,’ says the policeman.
‘But this bag tells me you’ve been drinking too much.’
‘What a coincidence!’ exclaims the driver.
‘I’ve got a bag at home that does the exactly the same thing!'
A woman is chatting with her friends when she points at a man in the street, ‘That’s my nextdoor neighbour. He’s an alcoholic!’
One of her friends asks, ‘How do you know that?’
The woman replies, ‘Yesterday he was at the bar drinking next to me all night.'
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
A man is talking to the tax inspector who’s come to review his records.
The inspector says, ‘As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.’
‘Thank God for that,’ replies the man.
‘I thought you were going to ask for cash.’
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Yo momma is so fat she was walking down the street, tripped and broke her leg and gravy rolled out.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy needs a Sherpa to help get him on top.