When Chuck Norris touched a Prius, it turned into a Ferrari
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Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust."
Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?"
"No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm...Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
How is a police car like a women?
It flashes and It usually has a d*ck in it.
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's?
The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
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Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop.
She holds up the mirror and looks in it.
Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you."
What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.