If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Bruce lee does not drink water, he drinks WATAAAA.
The creation of a perfect sphere became possible after Chuck Norris became enraged with a rubix cube and roundhouse kicked the corners off it.
Vote:
Chuck Norris is the only person that can make you feel a punch to your face in your groin.
Vote:
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
What do you call a rabbit that plays with foxes?
A dumb bunny.
What do Scientists have for snacks?
Micro-chips.
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust."
Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?"
"No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm..Yes"
"Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm...Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"