I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
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What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
Chuck Norris can cash two party, out of state checks with no ID, or else!
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Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party?
A: "You're not owld enough."
Chuck Norris doesn't try to find clowns they try to find him.
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Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant?
A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.
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Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
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