The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
Q: Who were the first two black women? A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker!
Did you hear about the transvestite who wanted a night on the town? He wanted to eat, drink and be Mary.
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
A medical student is driving home on a narrow country road in the middle of the night after his shift in the hospital. The weather is terrible. It's raining cats and dogs. Suddenly a motorbike is screaming by with very high speed. "Jesus Crhist! What an idiot! He will crash if he doesn't slow down!" A few minutes later he spotted in his headlights on the side of the road the torn up motorbike against a big tree. He stopped and quickly jumped out of his car to see in he can give first aid. But it's to late. The biker is already dead. He looked around if there is anyone around. Nobody to see. The student thouhgt "This is the oppertunity to finally obtain a real human eye!" He always carryrna spoon and a glass eye in his pocket for an opperunity like this. He quickly removes the left eye and places the glass eye in the socket. One quick look around and he jumps in his car and races off. The next morning when he wakes up he turned on the tv and watches the news. It said: "Biker found dead on country road with 2 glass eyes."
"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."
Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: What do you call black people in a swimming pool? A: Coco puffs. Q: What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool? A: Reeces puffs reeces puffs!
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.