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Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
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A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...
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Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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I am currently experiencing an out-of-money experience.
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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
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Yo mama so stupid she stab her self with a shooting gun.
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A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
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How many L.A. cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six. One to do it and 5 to smash the old bulb to smithereens.
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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