A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery." The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?" "Just rub toilet paper between them." Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?" "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.
What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's cock!
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.