Best jokes ever

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
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has 43.22 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: black people, death, dog
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job... He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: cop
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
My wife hates the sight of me when I’m drunk, and I hate the sight of her when I’m sober.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, Yo mama
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: bar, disgusting
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