This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer.
He gave the world Stonehenge.
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Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Chuck Norris doesn't need photos, he takes mental pictures.
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Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
A: Stinkerbell!
Chuck Norris' day consists of 25 hours.
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Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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A meteor did not kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just went on a hunting trip.
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Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but even Jack couldn't avoid Chuck Norris' round house kick.
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A cowboy and a retard are sitting at home bored.
The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggers."
The retard says ," OK ".
When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling.
He goes over and starts beating their asses.
He stops and looks to see the retard smashing bowling balls with a sledgehammer.
He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggers?"
The retard responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll kill the eggs ."
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