Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer.
He gave the world Stonehenge.
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Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
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A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week.
Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.
"And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten?
An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but even Jack couldn't avoid Chuck Norris' round house kick.
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Q: What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
A: Stinkerbell!
Chuck Norris' day consists of 25 hours.
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