Q: How do you eat a frog? A: You put one leg behind each ear.
The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wad of chocolate on a toothpick. If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking of various ways to improve her business. She thought perhaps a good way to do it would be to emulate the success of the fashion store across the street which had done very well with it's new "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" deal. Soon, a man walks in. "I would like a coffin for my father. But these coffins are very expensive!" "Well, sir, you'll be happy to know we have a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!" The customer left.
Where does an Irish family go on holiday? A different bar.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she voted for a pit bull wearing lipstick.
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"