When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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The soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
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Q: Why do Mexicans have such small steering wheels in their car?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.
Chuck Norris can make a Java Program in visual studio 2010.
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A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever.
That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
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Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
Q: How did the sand get wet?
A: The sea weed!