McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains.
The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street.
He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
The movie Unstoppable is based on Chuck Norris' morning jog.
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Chuck Norris is standing right behind you when you're reading this.
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How much do I owe Yo' Mama?
My dog came home happy last night.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat?
And they look at you and say they don't know.
And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know.
I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor.
That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
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Before Chuck Norris can register as a soldier, all wars suddenly end.
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Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
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