A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are stupid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m stupid...
A loan shark asks a lawyers advice:
How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt?
Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you.
Ok but I only loaned him $1,000!
That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
Do I have any chance to win?
Asks the boxer.
Off course!
Continue hitting the air and the adversary will shortly get a lung inflammation.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company.
The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.
"That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back.
I want my money NOW!"
The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.
After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money.
The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"
The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all Night long.
But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
I see a blonde walking down the street with a rope tied around her waist and I ask,
"Why do you have a rope tied around your waist?"
And the blonde says,
"Because im trying to commit suicide."
I ask,
"why don't you just tie it around your neck?"
She says,
"I already tried that but I couldn't breathe."
A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle.
She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.
The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None, Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!