Your momma so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran out with a spoon!
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage. ‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her. ‘Then you should leave your husband.’ ‘I would,’ says Beryl. ‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?" Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."
Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.