I’ve been very depressed lately. My wife’s threatened to leave me. But even that hasn’t cheered me up.
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
Your momma so stanky...when she passes by the toilet it flushes!!!
Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each proceeded to buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way. My dad left it to me in his will.
I’ve just come into some money. I wonder if they’ll still accept it at the shop?
A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon. Not bad.