One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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Chuck Norris doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he has the dos equis guy serve it to him in a dress.
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Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen.
Twice.
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Chuck Norris eats rainbows to taste the Skittles.
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What's a rabbits favorite song?
"Hoppy Birthday to You."
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.
When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms.
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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
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