Best jokes ever

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes." ...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde, horse, time
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Vote:
has 39.91 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, jewish, morbid, Santa
Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said a mosquito.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, fat, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: age, animal
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
<<<1162116311641165
More jokes →
Page 1162 of 1429.