A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. ‘Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?’ ‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk. ‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
Q: What's the difference between a working white man and a working black man? A: The White man is working legally.
Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea? A: One shucks between fits.
Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them.
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.