What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested. After that, He creaed man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy" Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.