What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
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A real man would never cry in public unless:
He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master.
Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt.
Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
Vote:
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
God gave man his penis and his brain but blood only enough to work one another at a time.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Ones the bus was full of people.
A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.