Joke #3306

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
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Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
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They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
Vote: has 78.03 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
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Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my God," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Vote: has 84.91 % from 201 votes. Send joke:
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Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
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Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
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It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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