What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
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A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...men will screw anything.
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Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
There were three guys in a bar.
Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives.
The third remains silent.
After a while, one of the first two turned to the third and says, "Well... what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
"Well, on our honeymoon, I made damn sure my wife came to me on her hands and knees," he bragged and took another sip of beer.
His friends were amazed!
"What happened then?" they asked, almost in unison."
"Well, then she said, "Get the hell out from under that bed and fight like a man!" he admitted.