Joke #3306

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"

What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!

Q: Why did God create Adam before he created eve? A: Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.

Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"

Warning ladies! Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY". This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny.

Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.