What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news."
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible," said the patient.
"How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship?
A. A second date.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.