What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.
Your Mommas so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet.
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her vagina's in the Axis of Evil.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.