Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
What do you call Black people running down a hill? Jail break.
A Mexican, white guy, and a black guy all go to hell and the devil told them that if they can walk across his hand without burning in flames, then he will give them a second life on earth. The white guy was really confident...first step, he caught a fire a disappeared. The Mexican, nervously toke the first step and noticed that he wasn't dead, he took a couple more steps and disappeared. The black guy started walking and made it all the way across without burning to flames. Satan was shocked and asked him how he did it and the black guy replied "chocolate melts in your mouth not your hands"
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.
Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.