Best jokes ever

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, old people, party
A woman is approaching a very small Bistro. She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to carress his beard. "Are you the boss of this Bistro?" she asks and touches tenderly his cheek. "Ehhh. No. Not at all!" the barkeeper replies. "Would you please call him here?" the lady asks and gently touches his hair. "Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!" the barkeeper sighs who has - no doubt - fun with this situation. "Would you then please do me a great favour?" the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips. "Of course. What ever you wish!" the barkeeper moans. "I want to leave a message for the boss!" she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on. "What message?" the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth. "Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel on the lady's toilet!"
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange? A pip squeak.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food
A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: IT
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks the Wu-Tang Clan is a Japanese orange drink company.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.
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has 42.19 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: sex
Jesus is the son of God. God is the son of Chuck Norris.
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dad, family, golf
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
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has 42.13 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: death, military, office
God wanted 10 days to build the world, Chuck Norris gave him 6.
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has 42.06 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, time
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