What is the difference between a man and childbirth? One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
Why are blondes only allowed a thirty-minute lunch break? If they took an hour it would take too long to retrain them.
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.
A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues: -A lawyer is the freest creature in the world. He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid? Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "You worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional. Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him. The priest addresses him through the grille. ‘Good morning, my son. What can I do for you?’ ‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk. ‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.