How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
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The soldier serving in Iraq was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
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Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sex with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed.
Some get away.
They are called astronauts.
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What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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Chuck Norris once jumped. Now we have seven Continents and a tilted planet.
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