How are men like chocolates? A.They never last long enough B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
We were so poor our mother would send us out with a shopping list to chase the garbage truck.
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asks the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain around? The man answered " HEY!! you ever tried pushing one of these things!!"
A blonde was trapped on an island and had to swim 1000 miles to get back to the mainland. She swam 500 miles and got tired, so swam back to the island.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.