You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Where does the acronym LOTUS come from? Let Only Users Suffer.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
A cop asks a nigger: Can you legitimate yourself? Is this because I’m black?
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ? A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.