Best jokes ever

A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
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More jokes about: men
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?" "Yep." "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
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More jokes about: cop
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.’ Steven Wright
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More jokes about: animal
Yo mamma’s so fat, her belly button looks like a black hole!
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More jokes about: Yo mama
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said: "We don't sell to ham sandwiches." But the sandwich replied: "That's okay, I only want a beer."
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More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, beer, food
A blonde asks a bypasser: Excuse me, would you tell me where the other side of the road is? It's on the other side. Strange.. When I was on the other side, people told me it's here...
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More jokes about: blonde
A blonde comes to a doctor and complains: Doc, please help: when I touch my head - it hurts, when I touch my belly - it hurts, when I touch my leg - it hurts... I know what has happened to you. And what? You've broken your finger.
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More jokes about: blonde, doctor
What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.
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More jokes about: black humor
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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More jokes about: dating, disgusting
Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
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More jokes about: insulting, time, Yo mama