Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb.
On his penis.
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Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
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Chuck Norris wrote the Assassins creed!
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Chuck Norris climbed the stairway to heaven, and came back down again.
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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Why are blacks afraid of lawn mowers?
Because it goes run nigger nigger run.
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The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.
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Chuck Norris won the Nascar season, he was driving a bike.
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