I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage? They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?