How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
Q: What's the difference between killing time and killing niggers? A: You can only kill so much time.
Three men stranded on an island. They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie. The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick." So they thought about what they were going to wish for. The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family." So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said "I wish I was in the pub with my mates." So he was gone. The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
The following is a short list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad. It says he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!