What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Pull out the pin and throw it back.
When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.
I'm not saying yo mama is a whore but her favorite shade of lipstick is penis.
What is a teacher's favorite kind of music? Class-ical.
Roses are red violets are blue, I have never tried So can I stick it up you?
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry. When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?" "well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
What does a nigger do after sex? 25 years to life.
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!