What's gray and powdery? Instant Elephant.
Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”