Best jokes ever

What's gray and powdery? Instant Elephant.
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Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.
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What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
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How does a frog confuse you? When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
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What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
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"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
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Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
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More jokes about: cop