Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies?
A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary.
The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand.
He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it."
The wife was out of control with anger.
She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward.
She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!"
"That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back.
"Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.
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Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on.
All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years.
When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was geting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results.
It just doesn't happen.
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Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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Yo momma’s so fat, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.