What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Q: Why don't black people like asprin? A: They're sick of picking through cotton.
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."
Yo momma’s so stupid, she went to a mind reader and was only charged half price.
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
Chuck Norris never needs help, help needs Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard on his face. Chuck Norris' beard has a face.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
Those who ignore history, are doomed by Chuck Norris.