Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, she can look up a camel’s butt and scare its hump off.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
Bigfoot thinks Chuck Norris is a myth
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Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck.
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Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Two cannibals are eating an atheist, and one says to the other, "Can you believe the way this guy tastes?"
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
How do you steal a Mexicans home?
Hook it up to your truck and drive off.