A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated? "Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.