What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
A white horse goes into a bar, and orders a pint of bitter.
"Blimey," the barman says, "we sell a whisky named after you."
"What, Eric?" says the horse.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle she got hit by a train.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
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Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle?
A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
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