Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!
Yo' Mama is so flat, paper gets jealous.
Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.
Vote:
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce?
A: Ten thousand!
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
Chuck Norris once slapped a man into next week.
The man was missing for four and a half years.
Vote:
In a fight with the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket," I'm afraid Chuck would gracefully decline to fight.
Vote:
Wagner is really Chuck Norris!
Vote:
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."