I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund.
It was a sad, funny kind of film.
In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film.
After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said.
"That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book." 
When is a door sweet and tasty?
When its jammed!
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
Q: What is a thespian pony?
A: A little horse play
Q: What's all over a clean nose?
A: Fingerprints.
Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts!
Vote:
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
Vote:
Q: What does a black person have that is white?
A: His owner!
Vote:
Q: If a white baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Angel.
Q: If a black baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Bat.
Vote:
A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
"Can you do anything to help me, Doc?" said the man.
"No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span" replied the doctor.