Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
What can you serve that you cannot eat? A tennis ball.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Did you hear about the policeman who found a stolen car on Acacia Street? He pushed it onto Park Street – he couldn’t spell Acacia.
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’