What can you serve that you cannot eat? A tennis ball.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Did you hear about the policeman who found a stolen car on Acacia Street? He pushed it onto Park Street – he couldn’t spell Acacia.
I never drink unless I’m alone or with somebody.
A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second…
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.