How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second…
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
Yo' Mama is so short, she has to cuff up her panties.
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car? A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods.
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"