A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
An airliner is having engine trouble.
The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready.
‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply.
‘Except one lawyer.
He’s still going around passing out business cards.’
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito?
A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Yo momma’s so fat, when she dances the band skips.
A blonde comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts.
‘How can I get to the other side?’
The other blonde looks around then shouts back, ‘You are on the other side!’
Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
How does a blonde answer the question, ‘Are you sexually active?’
‘No, I just lie there.’