Best jokes ever

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, phone, sport, time
Girl: why am I still single? Brain: you're weird as shit. Body: and you're fat. Face: plus you're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: women
You see, masturbation is so unpredictable. I just go up and down.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geography, travel
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
Chuck Norris can blow the answers away from the wind.
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to kill him? A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, ethnic, wife
Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
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has 35.12 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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has 35.12 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, management, navy
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
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has 35.11 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
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