Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone.
Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!
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Apparently, he’s trying to become a father again, even though he’s now 87.
And you have to admit that is an exceptionally low sperm count.
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Always be yourself, unless you can be Chuck Norris, then always be Chuck Norris.
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Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!