Why do blondes like lightning? "They think someone is taking their picture."
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? (They use bear conditioning!)
What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? A washing machine doesn't follow you around for three weeks after you dump your load into it.
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones? Because they're hand made.
A client calls to hotline of internet service provider: "I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now..." "I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC?" "Of course, I do - it's Facebook..."
I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast. So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’ At least that’s what I meant to say. What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.