A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.
"I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears.
"Don't feel ashamed, Miss.
You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
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Q: What does a black person have that is white?
A: His owner!
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I thought I was real racist because I was liking those black men so black that if you looked at a picture of them, it looks like a negative.
A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars.
An owl enters a psychologist's office.
The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy.
The next night, a cat comes in.
He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy.
The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl.
The cat is told to wait outside.
He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address!
During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in.
The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl.
The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining,
"I was sent to deliver him."
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice!
Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago?
Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....
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China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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Chuck Norris can rotate text in MS Paint.
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