Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife.
I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’
He said, ‘Everybody.’
How come the women loves the PC?
It’s easier to turn on!
How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible.
Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "you ain't from around here...where you from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "Whatchu do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist...what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us."
What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: December 30th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year
Why do blondes like lightning?
"They think someone is taking their picture."
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back?
A: A receding hare line.