Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Q: What is your date of birth? A: December 30th. Q: What year? A: Every year
Why do blondes like lightning? "They think someone is taking their picture."
Chuck Norris built Rome with a box of scraps.
Kids dream about having superpowers. Superpowers dream about having Chuck Norris.