What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his rear.
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.
“The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible!
I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”
What do u call a bunch of black buried up to their heads in dirt?
Afro turf.
Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.
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Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
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Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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The war with Japan would have ended sooner, but the allies decided that dropping Chuck Norris on Hiroshima would be a crime against humanity.
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An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!"
His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"
Michael Jackson does moonwalk because he doesn't have time to turn and run away from Chuck Norris.
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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"