Q: What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
A: A beer-a-cuda!
I thought I told you to lose weight.
Says the coach.
What happened to your three week diet that I told you to keep?
Well, I finished it in three days!
A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead wake up on an island with a gun.
Only three bullets were in the barrel.
"I'm going hunting," said the redhead, and she ran into the vegetation.
She came back with a rabbit.
"How did you get that?" the other two asked.
"I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back.
The brunette, thinking that she could do better, went out and came back with a deer.
"How did you get that?" the other two asked.
"I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back.
"I could do better than either of you" said the blonde and ran into the forest and came back with bruises and scrapes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.
“The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible!
I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied, “My homework.”
What do u call a bunch of black buried up to their heads in dirt?
Afro turf.
Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.
Vote:
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Vote:
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Vote:
An angry man is coming home and shouts to his wife, "I know everything!"
His wife reacts right away, "Is that so? Then tell me please. Who is the fifth highest peak in the world?"