Yo mama's so black she went to night school and got marked absent.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Man to friend: ‘When did you first realise your wife had stopped loving you?’ Friend: ‘When she pushed me through the window, and wrote for an ambulance.’
I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"
Death once took Chuck Norris. He regreted it.
Kids dream about having superpowers. Superpowers dream about having Chuck Norris.