Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Yo momma’s so ugly, she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
Why do lions always eat raw meat?
"Because they don't know how to cook."
Yo mamma’s so hairy, last night I confused here with a bush and pissed on her!
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Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
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A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool.
The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?"
God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
Q: Why do women have tiny feet?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Bishop with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the Bishop looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Bishop and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The Bishop put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
An internet maniac boy asks his father:
Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?