How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? Two. One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jello? A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!