She only drinks to forget she drinks.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you....
Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.
He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why did you women jump off of the building?"
The blonde answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde.
The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde.
The bouncer is blonde.
The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his rear.
Animal testing is a terrible idea;
they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.