During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Bishop with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the Bishop looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the Bishop and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The Bishop put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troops!
Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Vote:
An internet maniac boy asks his father:
Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse?
So she won't shit on the street during a parade.
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
Vote:
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Vote:
Yo mama has been passed around by so many black dudes, they now call her..Spalding!