What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troops!
Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.
Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal.
Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.
They take it into the car and continue down the road.
The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?
He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch.
Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down."
She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that!
That thing is smelly and nasty!"
The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Vote:
An internet maniac boy asks his father:
Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a policehorse?
So she won't shit on the street during a parade.
Chuck norris can eat chicken tonight tomorow.
Vote:
In the back of the book of world records, it says "All records are held by Chuck Norris. The ones listed are in second place."
Vote:
Yo mama has been passed around by so many black dudes, they now call her..Spalding!
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer.
As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing.
Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes.
As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him.
He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman.
The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!