A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman.
‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer.
‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man.
‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman.
‘My wife,’ replies the man.
He doesn’t drink anything stronger than pop.
Mind you Pop will drink anything.
Why did the idiot put starch in his whisky?
needed a stiff drink.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone’s been in a 747.
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.
Why did the millionaire count his money with his toes?
So it wouldn't slip through his fingers!
Why is money green?
Because people usually pick it before it's ripe!
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Bigamy is having one husband too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.