A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't. The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying." The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"
The way from the cabins to the ring is too long, says the boxer. No worries, on your way back you will come back with the stretcher...
He drank like a fish. Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard? A: Grade four.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
He’s in debt up to his eyes. The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a beer and after drinking it he looks into his pocket. The man responded, " I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."
Why is basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!