Why do people like to borrow money in Alaska? Because they have Fairbanks!
Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer? He liked cold hard cash!
One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!"
Why is money green? Because people usually pick it before it's ripe!
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't have any.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Aunt's Pay A young lady went to the dress shop where her aunt worked and picked up her aunt's pay. On the way home she was robbed, so she called the police and said, "I just lost my aunt's pay." The desk sargeant said , "Ouyay, Unnyfay!"
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage? All your Hefty Bags are missing.