A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report.
"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"
"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said.
"This is positively the last deal."
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"
The dog answers "ROOF."
The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."
The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else."
The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH."
With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.
As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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Q: What do you call a Puerto Rican midget?
A: A spec.
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Q: What's the pink nub of flesh between your grandmother's breasts called?
A: Her clit
How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your Xbox 360?
The joystick is wet.
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Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
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