I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
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Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
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In the town I have met one older woman, she told me: "if you give me ten euros, I will pray for your black soul."
I gave her the ten euros, became suspicious, didn't believe her and told her: "ok, but pray for me right now, not in the evening."
The woman has begun: "guardian angel, please, take care of my soul, forgive me all my sins and give me everything I need in my life."
I have asked her only: "for my money?"
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What’s an Athlon at 1,2 GHz processor that runs for 9 minutes without a cooler called?
8.5 minutes burned processor.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.
One of the chamber members stood up and said,
"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
Knock-knock.
Who is there?
Stopwatch.
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!
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How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
Yo mama's so black every time she gets in a car the check oil light comes on.
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.