The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
She only drinks to forget she drinks.
What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?"
"Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
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Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water?
A: A soggy butt.
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Two old ladies are in a restaurant.
One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible."
The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
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I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon.
Later he came home with the ice cream and the coupon.
When I asked him what happened, he replied, “Mom I had enough money.
I didn’t need the coupon.”
In an attempt to end WWII, President Harry Truman had Chuck Norris parachuted into Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Sept. 2, 1945, the Japanese surrendered.
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Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
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Q: What does a black person have that is white?
A: His owner!
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A brunette, a red-haired and a blonde comes to an edge of a hill. The rule is: if you lie, you fall off the hill.
A brunette says: - I think I'm the most beautiful... And she falls off the hill.
A red-haired says: - I think I'm the most clever... And she falls off the hill.
A blonde says: I think... And she falls off the hill.