Best jokes ever

Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat
Teacher: You boy, what’s your name? Boy: Mickey Jones. Teacher: We’ll call you Jones here. We don’t use first names. Boy: My dad won’t like that – he takes offence if people take the Mickey out of my name.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: school
Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car
Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hoe.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, Yo mama
A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty, it took a sip of the strange fluid, and then retired into its hole to think. After some thought, it returned to the pool, and took a second sip of the whiskey. It then withdrew again to its hole, and thought. Presently, it issued and drew near the pool for the third time. Now, it took a big drink. Nor did it retreat to its hole. Instead, it climbed on a soap box, stood on its hind legs, bristled its whiskers, and squeaked: "Now, bring on your cat!"
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal
A blonde goes into a kitchen store and says to an assistant "Can i buy that TV please?" The assistant says "Sorry we don't serve blondes." So the blonde goes out and gets her hair dyed and then comes back and says, "Excuse me can i buy that TV please?" and the assistant says "No, because we still know who you are." So the blonde goes out and gets plastic surgery. She then comes back and says "Excuse me, can I buy that TV please?" and the assistant says, "No, because it's a microwave!"
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde, technology
A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy. Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, No”, he replies. Can you get him for me I need to speak to him. She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused. Is there anything I can do? “Yes, there is”. I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband
Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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