How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
The man says, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum says, "No."
The man says, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum says, "No."
So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there.
Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how...
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Surfing in Nebraska.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
How do you make stew out of a leper?
Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
Vote:
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
Vote:
What do you call fish poop?
BassTurds!
What's grosser than gross?
A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
Vote:
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
Vote:
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.
Vote:
Two old ladies are in a restaurant.
One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible."
The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Vote: