Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Yo' mama so fat, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? -Johnny, 11 years old.
"Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sunbath!
Knock-knock. Who is there? Stopwatch. Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!
What fits your schedule better...... Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
Chuck Norris does not go fishing, the fish surrender.
The reason Chuck Norris has never been a doctor on House is because, he would find the diagnosis in one second. It'd always be Norris Anger Disease.