A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?" "Neither, I'm a Jew." "But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
What’s sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
A guy goes into an antique shop. He's browsing around the shop and comes across a brass rat. He picks up the rat and is looking at it when the shop owner approaches him. He asks the owner how much the Brass Rat is. The shop owner says $20 For the rat and $10 for the story behind it. The customers say I don't need to know the story but I'll buy the rat. So he pays for the rat and leaves the shop. After about 50 yards he hears a Wierd noise behind him and so looks around. There's a bunch of rats following him so he picks up the pace a walks faster but the noise gets louder. He glances behind and there are hundreds of rats following him so he starts to run. Still, the noise gets louder and there are thousands of rats chasing him. He comes to a bridge over the river and thinks the rats are chasing him because of the Brass Rat, he has so he throws the rat as far as he can into the river. All the rats that were chasing him then all jump into the river and drown. The guy thinks for a while and then walks back to the shop. As he enters the shop the owner who saw him coming said I bet you came back for the story behind the Brass Rat did you? The customer says no I didn't. Have you got a brass Nigger?
Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for bes quality rubber.
Q: How do you start a riot in Mexico? A: You roll a penny
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...
Definition of a man with manners – he gets out of the bath to pee.