A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano? His undertaker. Golf
I was taken short in the back of a taxi. Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note. Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
"I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of Applebees." Dave Letterman
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist? A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
An Irishman is really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says: "Right, you've had enough, go home..." So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so he says: "Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more" He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door, standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast asleep straight away. The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been drinking again haven't you?' The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?' His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your wheelchair there again!'
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.