Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
What does a white chick and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts !
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian? A. She kept having affairs with men!
One day President Trump's motorcade was heading to the Mexican border to see first hand progress on The Wall. All of a sudden a naked lone figure was seen bent over on the side of the road. Wanting to help the president ordered the motorcade to stop. He got out and approached the figure and suddenly realized it was Nancy Pelosi. She was naked with her wrists handcuffed to her ankles. The president said, "OMG Nancy what happened?" She cried out that she was kidnapped by a bunch of people wearing MAGA hats and left to die! The president said "Well I'm not going to let that happen" as he was unzipping his zipper. He yelled out to the motorcade "OK boys the line starts behind me"
I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? -Johnny, 11 years old.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."